Posted by camper on July 25, 2011
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Mmm, Vinegar
Vinegar beverages date back thousands of years, though they’ve recently become trendy in cocktails.
In the seminar Vinegar: The Other Acid, the moderators spoke about the history of vinegar in drinks, the shrubs that are popular today, and a new technique of using vinegar to make non-alcoholic tinctures.
To read all about, follow this link to Alcademics.com.
Posted by Marleigh Miller on July 24, 2011
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The Mai Tai, though a later addition to the tiki pantheon than the famous Zombie, is undisputedly the most well-known tiki drink today. We’ve all tasted one–with varying degrees of success–be they made on Long Island or Oahu. But besides being popular, the Mai Tai is also one of the most hotly contested drinks in terms of origin; three different men (Harry Owens, Trader Vic and Donn the Beachcomber) most famously laid claim to creating this eponymous classic, and many more bars and bartenders claimed to be the true originator.
Cocktail historian Jeff “Beachbum” Berry tackled this thorny topic with the help of Ian “Rum Ambassador” Burrell and Stephen Remsberg, renowned rum collector and expert, laying out the arguments made by all of the players and comparing the recipes that lay claim to the Mai Tai throne.
In the end, it seems that it comes down to Polynesian drink heavyweights Donn and Vic, both of whom penned recipes for A Mai Tai…but only Trader Vic created THE Mai Tai that so captured that hukilau spirit. And while it seems that it is possible that Vic borrowed liberally from Donn’s recipe for the Q.B. Cooler to create his Mai Tai, the far more probable explanation lies in Cuba at the La Florida Bar where Vic first studied bartending. Just compare these two recipes:
Trader Vic Mai Tai
In your shaker pour 1 ounce each fresh lime juice, Rhum Clément VSOP Martinique rum, and Appleton Estate Extra dark Jamaican rum; 1/2 ounce orange Curaçao; and 1/4 ounce each orgeat syrup and sugar syrup. Add at least 2 cups of crushed ice, then shake well for around 10 seconds. Pour unstrained into a double old-fashioned glass. Sink your spent lime shell in the drink, and garnish with a mint sprig.
La Florida Daiquiri #2
To a shaker add the juice of 1/2 a lime, a few dashes of Curaçao, 1 teaspoon each sugar and orange juice, and 2 ounces of Bacardi. Shake with ice and strain into a cocktail glass.
Coincidence? Perhaps. But regardless of where Trader Vic found inspiration, it does not change the transcendent beauty of a well-made Mai Tai.
Posted by doctorbamboo on July 23, 2011
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Why dump a perfectly good cocktail like a Negroni or Manhattan into a wood barrel for a couple of months?
1) It’s fun in an old-world mad-scientist kinda way.
2) It may make your cocktail luxuriously smooth and even add a bit of wood character.
For over an hour this afternoon, Jeffrey Morgenthaler, Gable Erenzo and Naren Young hit the highlights of this relatively new approach (with roots in older practices) to fiddling with cocktails. Booze nerds like these guys are always on the hunt for ways to improve your drinking experience, and barrel-aging cocktails is one of the latest methods that’s gaining popularity in cocktail programs worldwide.
Here’s a few informational nuggets they shared…
~ Bottled cocktails originated in the Jerry Thomas era as way for customers to take drinks “to-go” and enjoy later. Being that I’m New Orleans as I write this, I can’t help but think the “go cup” phenomenon here somehow owes its existence to this earlier incarnation.
~ In the early 1900’s, the Heublein company sold pre-made cocktails that had been aged in wood.
~ A few years ago, Tony Conigliaro began experimenting with aging cocktails in glass, prompting modern bartenders to rethink the concept and apply it in new ways, using different materials, spirits and processes.
~ Experimenting with barrel-aged cocktails coincided nicely with the internet making it easy to contact distilleries and procure their used barrels.
~ Much as single spirits do, aging a cocktail in a barrel will allow it to pull distinctive characteristics from the wood. However, using new barrels can be risky because too much wood flavor can be imparted very quickly. Score another point for recycling!
~ It easy to overage a cocktail, but if that happens, it’s not a lost cause. Often simply introducing more fresh cocktail to mix can salvage the batch.
~ While experimentation is encouraged, using ingredients like eggs, cream and citrus should be avoided. But I’m sure our intrepid bartending community is already hard at work coming up with a way to get around this though.
~ Generally speaking, lighter, unaged spirits like gin, vodka, unaged Tequila etc., seem to yield the best results.
~ For those not inclined to wait several weeks for a barrel-aged cocktail to reach maturity, you can get quicker results (and satisfy any latent gadget jones you may be experiencing) by using smoked wood chips and an iSi whipper to infuse your cocktail. I’ll need to track down specific instructions for this asap.
Now go find some barrels!
Posted by Cocktail Buzz on July 23, 2011
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Steve Schul and Paul Zablocki (Cocktail Buzz) ply their love for cocktail and food pairings on their Web site, Cocktail Buzz, and their blog “Buzzings.”
While at Tales of the Cocktail, we end up sipping dozens of spirits, liqueurs, sodas, and new cocktails whipped up by the world’s greatest bartenders and mixologists (why do some people pooh-pooh the word mixologist and why is it not recognized as a real word in dictionaries?—it’s been around forever!). Here is a sampler of some of our favorite tastings thus far:
The Shore Leave Party at the WWII Museum was insanely fun. We started out chatting with journalist Michael Anstendig over some Hudson corn whiskey lemony highballs that were easy to sip and a great way to cool us down. Then, we ran into the Templeton Rye boys, who slipped us a flask filled with their smooth as silk spirit (we’ve been making Templeton Rye Manhattans with them all summer, and cannot stop!). Thanks, fellas, for the hooch! Also dishing out cocktails made with Milagro tequila, orgeat, horchata, coconut milk, and dashes of some other tasty ingredients was Jaime Salas, a fellow Brooklynite (who as a Brand Ambassador of course is rarely in his home city). Thanks for chatting with us and providing us one of the many fun photo ops available throughout the event.
We caught the tail end of the World’s Largest Negroni event. Wall-to-wall imbibers eagerly sipped, from a flagon of thick ice, one of our favorite cocktails of all time. This Negroni was special though; besides the bittersweet musings of Campari and Martini & Rossi sweet vermouth, the classic drink boasted the slightly sweet and tea-tasting Beefeater 24, which we lauded a couple of years ago during its launch in the U.S.
The Negroni
1 oz. Beefeater 24 London Dry Gin
1 oz. Campari
1 oz. Martini Rosso (sweet vermouth)
orange slice, as garnish
Pour ingredients into a rocks glass filled with ice then stir and serve. Garnish with a slice of orange.
Steve Schul enjoys a Negroni at the World’s Largest Negroni event.
Of course, the largest smattering of various spirits was presented by Diageo at the Cabildo Museum. Dubbed “Cocktail from Around the World,” 50 bucks got you a sampling of dozens of cocktails mixed by the world’s most flavor-savvy cocktail creators. We tried new concoctions by Lynnette Marrero, Joaquim Simo, Ryan Fitzgerald, Enrique Sanchez, Misty Kalkofen, Dänny Ronen, Fred Sarkis, all of which satisfied our taste buds, to say the very least. We could have drunk all night, but, well, a sip of each was just enough to make us happy.
Cheers to Lynnette Marrero for creating a delicious Black Daiquiri for the Diageo event.
One of the most fun events was Purity Vodka’s make-your-own infused bloody mary–style martini. Bartender & brand ambassador John Pomeroy Jr. guided us through the process, which involved dumping your favorite bloody mary ingredients into a siphon, adding Purity vodka, charging it with CO2, giving it a little shake, and straining it into a cocktail glass with a lovely ice orb. We, along with fellow cocktail writer (and our logo illustrator) Dr. Bamboo, experimented with a variety of ingredients. But our favorite? Shrimp, andouille, okra, peppercorn, green bean, salt, and tomato. It tasted like New Orleans in a glass. You must try this at home! Use a cream siphon so it’s a little more manageable than a big soda siphon. Thank you Purity for provided a jazz trio and an amazing spread, in the cozy Bombay Club.
Tasting rooms are very creative these days, and just tasting an unmixed spirit simply is not enough apparently anymore at Tales. Some of these, such as the Sandeman Ruby Port tasting, went all-out. At this tasting, where a cocktail competition was taking place, we were treated to three unique drinks created by three very talented bar chefs. Steve loved Don’s Dram by Andy Minchow of Holeman and Finch in Atlanta; Paul, the Red Cape Cocktail by Adam Sieczka. Also on hand was Cheryl Scripter from Bittersweet Confections here in New Orleans who encouraged every passerby to sample all the truffles at her table. Ruby Port and truffles are indeed a marriage made in Elysium.
Red Cape
(created by Adam Sieczka)
1 part Sandemans Founders Reserve Ruby Porto
1 part rye whiskey
½ part simple syrup
½ part fresh lemon juice
¼ blood orange
6 small basil leaves
Muddle blood orange and basil leaves with simple syrup and lemon juice. Add port and rye whiskey. Add ice. Shake and pour into a rocks glass. Garnish with blood orange slice and basil leaf.
Don’s Dram
(created by Andy Minchow)
1 part Sandemans Founders Reserve Ruby Porto
1 part Martell VS cognac
1 part freshly squeezed grapefruit juice
1 bar spoon Ricard (pastis or absinthe)
Combine ingredients in a mixing glass. Add ice and shake for five seconds. Double strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with a pinch of sea salt and one grind of black pepper.
Let us continue into the realm of something new: Cupcake Vodka. We were so intrigued by the name, we had to stop by for a sip. Let us tell you that these vodkas are not in the least bit cloyingly sweet. Touted as all-natural, they are easy to sip, fun to mix, and are worth more than a try. Our favorite expression was the Devil’s Food. A truly interesting find. It got our creative minds racing.
A few minutes later, we found ourselves in the Drambuie tasting room. We are very familiar with Drambuie, and were eager to try its new product, one which is peatier and slightly less sweet than the older model. We chatted with Anthony Caporale who created a delicious creamy lavender Drambuie concoction that we would have killed to have a scone with. And on the opposite spectrum of taste, there was a global-inspired Drambuie drink with lemongrass and jalapeños that made us reconsider that Drambuie is limited in what you can do with it. We love surprises.
Kilbeggan, aged in bourbon barrels, was a lovely way to reacquaint ourselves with blended Irish whiskey. The aroma is slightly sweet and rich, with vanilla and, of course, bourbon. A nice change from the usually Irish whiskeys aged in sherry barrels. We are looking forward to mixing with it in some of the cocktails we’ve developed when we get back to Brooklyn.
Other welcomed tastings didn’t involve alcohol at all. Barritt’s ginger beer is a lovely addition to the ginger beer canon: light and refreshing, and served by rep Paul Imbesi, donning some sweatbands around his head and wrists. We dubbed him the Olivia Newton-John of the Tasting Rooms. Never lose your sense of humor, Paul! We’ve talked about Fentimans sodas in our previous post, and we are excited to experiment with the Rose Lemonade in future drinks. What a great tasting room, with so many of their soda flavors on hand, being mixed with all kinds of spirits and liquors. If you haven’t tried the Dandelion and Burdock soda, you are missing out!
Thanks to all the hard-working men and women who gave us their time. Cheers!
Posted by Marleigh Miller on July 23, 2011
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There are, as panelist Matthew Rowley pointed out, more American craft distilleries operating right now than at any time since Prohibition. Some estimates claim there is a new distillery every three days, concentrated largely on the coasts, with a particular concentration inland in Colorado.
Those lucky people who attended Friday’s seminar about craft distillers were treated to tastings by nine of the small producers at Tales this year: Dancing Pines, Corsair, Death’s Door, Peach Street, Piedmont, Artesian, Tuthilltown, House Spirits and American Fruits. (All delicious, but the Chai Tea Liqueur from Dancing Pines stole this reporter’s heart.)
Matt Rowley, author of “Moonshine” and whiskeyforge.com, and Max Watman, author of “Chasing the White Dog,” led a discussion on the state of craft, AKA micro or artisan, producers, accompanied by nine of examples of the creative and interesting products on the market (or nearly on the market) today, including a carbonated (!) vodka and, for cocktail nerds, a true American peach brandy.
Posted by doctorbamboo on July 22, 2011
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Being that I’m staying in a hotel and doing a fair amount of drinking in a nearby hotel containing a well-known bar (that’d be the Carousel bar at the Monteleone) I felt I’d be remiss if I didn’t attend the “Classic Hotel Bars” seminar.
The focus was mainly on the hotel bars of London, with occasional detours to other cities. Anecdotes abounded, histories were revealed, and as expected, cocktails were served. Here’s a sampling of the wealth of information that was provided…
~ Unlike most “regular” bars, working in a hotel bar makes you realize you have to think beyond local drinking preferences. Your are catering to a varied clientele, and have to be prepared to meet a broad spectrum of expectations drink-wise.
~ Hotel bars have spawned great bartenders, great drinks and great bar guides. Every time you name-drop someone like Jerry Thomas or Hugo Enslin you have a hotel bar to thank. Likewise the Savoy Cocktail Book or Charles Baker’s Around the World With Jigger, Beaker and Flask. Ever had a Pina Colada or Hanky Panky? Just two of many classic cocktails that originated in hotel bars.
~ The Savoy was the first hotel in England equipped with electricity. ( I like to think having a world-class bar on the premises played a role in this).
~ The Criterion bar (which still exists) is the location where Sherlock Holmes and Watson first meet. It also has the distinction of being the first “American style” bar in England.
~ Until recently, bartending in the UK was not considered a reputable occupation, and doing so in a hotel bar was even less prestigious. Fortunately this perception has reversed in recent years and many hotel bars in the UK are leading the way in quality cocktail-crafting.
~ Part of what makes a good hotel bar experience is the idea that it is not only just a drink stop, but also a place where you are taken care of. Some “regular” bars certainly provide this, but it should be a priority for hotel bars.
~ Martini enthusiasts owe it to themselves to make the pilgrimage to Duke’s, which is famous for its exacting, signature Martini preparation which uses no ice, shaking, or stirring. All the ingredients are kept chilled, and are simply, elegantly combined in the glass. Ian Fleming was a regular there, and was fond of these. If they were good enough for him, they should be good enough for you.
~ The Connaught Hotel is another London cocktail destination famous for its attention to detail and tailoring of drinks to the customer’s preference. Connaught bartender Ago Perone says of his customers: “We are not there to tell them what to drink” and puts that idea to practice by offering a selection of bitters for patrons to choose from when ordering a Martini.
~ The concept of the fine cocktail experience goes hand-in-hand with that of the fine dining experience. If a hotel has a top-tier restaurant on he premises, then the bar must be of similar caliber.
Book your room now! (or at least swing by for a cocktail)
Posted by camper on July 22, 2011
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Writer Camper English was interviewed for the BBC radio program The World this morning. Here’s a short report from Tales of the Cocktail.
Posted by Cocktail Buzz on July 22, 2011
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Steve Schul and Paul Zablocki (Cocktail Buzz) ply their love for cocktail and food pairings on their Web site, Cocktail Buzz, and their blog “Buzzings.”
Wednesday morning. It was time to wake up and smell the coffee. Thank god for the Kahlúa Coffee Bar to jumpstart our morning. Those red-eyes—a shot of espresso mixed with regular joe—plus some churros gave us the energy we needed (and the means for soaking up all the alcohol that was about to come our way) for what turned out to be the biggest “laughfest” of 2011: a seminar titled “Brand Ambassadors” led by Claire Smith, the Belvedere Vodka Brand Ambassador, who gathered a panel of three antis (Simon Ford, John Lermayer, and Nuri Djavit) and three pros (Angus Winchester, Dan Warner, and Allen Katz), revved up to discuss the nature of the Brand Ambassador and debate the main question: “Do we really need them?” So entertaining, they all kept us in stitches while still managing to supply us so much information.
Here are some gems, mixed with some words of wisdom:
Nuri Djavit: Discussing how Brand Ambassadors must look to social media, “One out of twelve people on Earth are on Facebook.”
Simon Ford: Stating that a Brand Ambassador should have “complete knowledge of their product.” They should “visit the distillery, study the competition, and not just read the company’s marketing material.”
Jon Lermayer: “I want to see more cooperation among competing brands.”
Allen Katz: “Brand Ambassadors need to educate the executives within their own company about the market.”
Dan Warner: “The Brand Ambassador should be a knowledgeable person, letting the world know its brand is there, shouting it from the rooftops.”
Angus Winchester: “Some Brand Ambassadors are just glorified salespeople. Others are always learning how to be a better bartender from bartenders all over the world.”
Simon Ford: “Brand Ambassadors are fickle whores; whoever pays more, wins.”
Angus Winchester: “A consultant is someone who’s ego is too big for just one company.”
Allen Katz: “The greatest pleasure on Earth is sex. Good sex is derived from many things. Among them, good food and drink. This begets more good sex, which in turn begets more good food and drink. It’s the circle of life.”
Nuri Djavit: Regarding the longevity of a product with a celebrity as Brand Ambassador, “People connect more to [the celebrity] and not the product.”
Dan Warner: “What happens when the celebrity is no longer in the public eye?”
Simon Ford: “The brand should be the most important thing.”
Jon Lermayer: Sarcastically, “I just love the Brand Ambassadors who come into my bar and rearrange my shelf when I’m not there.”
This was a great kick-off to the seminar series, and was worth getting our asses out of bed for. One of the cocktails served that surprised us used the Belvedere Bloody Mary Vodka. With some citrus juice and a pineapple garnish, it tasted a little spicy and a little bit sweet. A nice balance and a great alternative to the traditional Bloody Mary or brunch cocktail.
A man from Virginia Beach decried poor Brand Ambassadors who would come to his bar and give him cursory lip service and crappy information. Claire promised to send a better Brand Ambassador his way. “Is it sunny there?” she asked. Chortles and Guffaws abounded. It was a great way to end the cheeky, yet serious, seminar. (By the way, mostly every one in the audience was in favor of the Brand Ambassador.)
Posted by Cocktail Buzz on July 22, 2011
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Steve Schul and Paul Zablocki (Cocktail Buzz) ply their love for cocktail and food pairings on their Web site, Cocktail Buzz, and their blog “Buzzings.”
The Cognac Summit was the first cocktail we imbibed after we landed in New Orleans. Shaken at the Tales of the Cocktail Media reception at the French 75 Bar in Arnaud’s in the French Quarter, it was a smooth and extremely well-balanced introduction to a week of revelry, seminars, and meet-and-greets in this southern city that never seems to sleep.
Cognac Summit
1 lime peel
4 thin slices fresh ginger
1 ½ ounces VSOP cognac
2 ounces traditional lemonade
1 long piece cucumber peel
4 or 5 ice cubes
Lightly muddle the lime zest and ginger slices in a rocks glass with the cognac. Fill glass half-way with ice. Stir well for 5 seconds. Add lemonade and cucumber peel. Stir well for another 5 seconds.
As we filled up on piquant gruyere-laden gougères (which pair perfectly with the Summit Cocktail, by the way), and other assorted tasty nibbles, we met costumer Thayer Abaigael and her husband Scott Lund, recent transplants from San Francisco who have completely embraced the NOLA way of life. The sultry air mixed with savory conversation, plus a French 75 made with cognac and lemonade, led the four of us to a pizza joint not too far from Arnauds where we continued our conversation about Tales and the city. Scott developed the extremely user-friendly Droid app for Tales this year (they should have asked him to develop the iPhone app as well), and Thayer runs the Vieux Carre Media breakfasts and lunches that have turned out to be the saving grace for us during our stay thanks to the amazing food and the opportunity to rub elbows with the executives and distillers who sponsor everything at Tales.
Hollis Bulleit always has time for a photo and a hug. In the Vieux Carre Room at the Hotel Monteleone, with Paul Zablocki of Cocktail Buzz.
For example, we attended the Bulleit-sponsored luncheon, and after we were greeted at the door by Thayer’s soothing voice and hospitality, we were instantly drawn to the orange-plumes and infectious grin donned by Bulleit’s World Ambassador, Hollis Bulleit. Sure, we shared with her how much we love love love her family’s bourbon and rye, but sometimes at Tales, you need to talk about something other than booze, and Hollis and our conversation quickly turned to politics (socioeconomic, gender, queer), the pros and cons of East- vs. West-Coast living, and the crazy wonderful ebullience that gushes from every seam of this city. (We keep running into her, and every moment shared is filled with fun, sass, warmth, and laughter.)
She grabbed us by the arms and said, “you must meet my father,” and led us to Mr. Tom Bulleit, founder, and sixth-generation distiller, who rose from his chair mid-bite, and took the time to talk to us a little about the family biz, but, more important, about the films he loved, and those we shared a common admiration for. He was warm and generous with his time. We will be watching McCabe and Mrs. Miller and Cannery Row when we get home, Tom, we promise.
Some other new friends we met in the Vieux Carre Media room, and who we’ve been running into again and again, hail from Vancouver: Craig James, the CEO of Fentimans, and his sharp-as-a-tack daughter, the lovely Samantha. They asked us if we had the opportunity to sample their products at one of the Tasting Rooms, and we were quick to respond with a resounding “yes!” Our favorites are the Dandelion and Burdock, Rose Lemonade, and Shandy, but they’re all good, and a much needed and refreshing respite from a cocktail-heavy day.
Getting back to Scott and Thayer, that first night after pizza and salad, we wandered to the Grey Goose party at Latrobes’s on Royal Street where it seemed all of NOLA’s beautiful people converged. We were greeted by a spectacle of lights, camera, and action adorning one NOLA’s most architecturally significant buildings from 1818 in the heart of the French Quarter, a stunning place to sip a barrel-aged cocktail by Guillaume Jubien and Nick Mautone. Consisting of Grey Goose La Poire, Noilly Prat dry vermouth, Monin white cocoa syrup, this “Feu d’Artifice” is barrel-aged 2 to 3 days and after some stirring in ice, garnished with a lemon peel. A highly flavorful—but not too sweet—unique and satisfying after-dinner drink.
It was then time to hit the hay. Thanks Hotel Monteleone for such a gorgeous room!
Grey Goose party at LaTrobe’s in New Orleans. Flashy lights and videography, pulsating music, and custom cocktails.
photos © Steve Schul, Cocktail Buzz
Posted by munat on July 22, 2011
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The Tales it is a growing. Every year the madness grows exponentially. And in response to this growth, the expert Tales attendee must adapt to the new rules, rules that become somewhat clear just in time for it to be too late. Remembering the new rules is an entertaining process, but serves no real purpose, as the memory cannot be put into practice in future incarnations of Tales, as once again the madness grows exponentially, and new rules are created. It’s an interesting and completely logical phenomenon.
With me so far? I was talking yesterday with a physics doctoral candidate who was applying the laws of physics to cocktails. It sort of made me lose my grasp on my normal thread of reality. Apologies if I’m rambling/start to ramble.
Here’s a few tips from lessons learned this year at Tales for avoiding the clusterfucks at Tales.
RULE 1: BEWARE OF TEXT MESSAGE IDEAS
In the past a splendid way to congregate with good friends was to network on text messages. Word would come in via digital handheld messaging that people were headed to DBA, or Coop’s, or some other spot some influential person decided to go to and then messaged a few friends of his or hers. This enabled the expert Tales attendee to connect with many dearly beloved drunk friends. Laughter, mayhem, kisses, and hugs would ensue.
This method is now fraught with peril. Some decided to face the peril, only to find that is is far to perilous. The Tales it is a growing, and these days a text message ripple turns quickly to a Tsunami. The destination point becomes a, yes, here comes the word again…clusterfuck.
On Tuesday evening of this week, I was witness to some of this text messaging. Instinctively and somewhat surprisingly, I surmised what was going to happen and did not chase the tail of the Tales message wave. Messages reached me reading, “Fancy Pants party! Fancy Pants party! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Fancy Pant party! Fancy Pants party!”
Or something to that effect.
Just a bit later, as I continued to sip a sazerac at Arnaud’s French 75 Bar made by Chris Hannah, another burst of messages came in, saying something along the lines of, “Fancy Pants party…so crowded. Fancy Pants party…long line. Fancy Pants party…wouldn’t let me in. My pants were not fancy enough.”
Amused, I continued sipping and awaited the next idea for the evening, which would be merely theoretical for myself but a reality for many of my dearly beloved. Shortly thereafter, messages began reading, “Maple Leaf Bar! Maple Leaf Bar! Ooh! Ooh! Maple Leaf Bar! Maple Leaf Bar!”
Or something to that effect.
Just a bit later, as I continued to sip a Creole Cocktail at Arnaud’s French 75 Bar made by Chris Hannah, another burst of messages came in, saying something along the lines of, “Maple Leaf Bar…so crowded. Maple Leaf Bar…long line. Maple Leaf Bar…wouldn’t let me in. My leaves were not mapley enough.”
Amused, I continued sipping and awaited the next idea for the evening, which would be merely theoretical for myself but a reality for many of my dearly beloved. Shortly thereafter, messages began coming in reading, “The Saint! The Saint! Ooh! Ooh! The Saint! The Saint!”
At that point I flushed my phone down the toilet. Moments later I came to my senses and retrieved and revived it via mouth to USB port resuscitation. But I put it on airplane mode and walked over to the Old Absinthe House for a beer.
The point is, there are now too many people at Tales to bother following the pack. If you get word of some place “everyone” is going to, assume 4,000 other people are getting the same word as you, and that spot is going to be a, yes… clusterfuck.
Also remember that the text message you received started with some individual. It wasn’t a cosmic firework of inspired brilliance that shot into the sky, exploded, and tinkled down onto everyone simultaneously. Someone decided to go do something, told someone else, and then we all played a game of telephone. So make your own idea, tell your friends, and go there. The rooms aren’t big enough for us all anymore, dear ones. Be a pioneer. Start your own informal gathering of people somewhere where they will serve you liquor.
RULE 2: GO TO THE TASTING ROOMS THAT ARE LESS BOOZY SOUNDING
Yesterday I was nearly trampled to death by the masses trying to get into the Oxley Gin tasting room. I managed to survive thanks to my physical prowess, sheer cunning, and my media badge. In the meantime, I drank me some gin and ate me some delicious gin sorbet.
Downstairs, Fentiman’s was also hosting a tasting room. There was plenty of space down in that room, time to chat with the people serving drinks, relax and watch some old episodes of The Avengers. Why the discrepancy in attendance? Well, my own personal theory is that it is because Oxley is high proof gin and Fentiman’s is soft drinks.
You would think that given the amazingly high availability of booze at Tales that people wouldn’t be in any hurry to consume mass quantities of it. You don’t have to seek it out, the booze will find you, and it will eat your face. Believe me, I know this. Yet I swear to a benevolent and loving god that people attack the booze dispensary points with a maniacal fervor. We offered some punch made with Maker’s Mark at our book signing yesterday for Left Coast Libations. The recipe yields about 100 ounces of punch, or 50 small cups. The punch was gone in 15 minutes. So Anu Apte whipped up an improvised punch (with top secret ingredient!) that yielded about 200 ounces. That too was gone in moments.
Here’s the secret folks: first of all, Fentiman’s ain’t dummies. They’re mixing their products with gin, bourbon, rum, scotch, etc. They know you want booze and they want you to know they’re products can mix with a variety of boozes. So yes, you can go to the tasting room of the company known mostly for ginger beer and still get your drink on. And you can do it without feeling like you’re at a Who concert in Cincinnati (sorry Cincinnati for bringing up old wounds).
The same phenomenon happened today wherein the 4 Roses Bourbon tasting (high proof) was more crowded than a waiting room outside the pearly gates, and the Marie Brizzard (lower proof) tasting room was merely well attended. In this case, however, the 4 Roses Bourbon tasting might have been so popular due to the presence of Dave Shenaut, who rumor had it was sporting a kneck beard sure to draw in and wow the masses. Naturally, those who attended for this purpose were disappointed, as Dave had shaved the K.B. “Kneck Beards are over,” he told me. Freaking Portland hipsters man. Just can’t even keep up with what’s cool in the world’s coolest city anymore.
RULE 3: NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOTEL ROOM
Actually, never mind. You can’t do that. Get out there, make friends, have fun, and be a hero.
(editor’s note: all rules and lessons mentioned above, upon publication of this article, are hereby ruled dated and irrelevant. Tales has once again grown exponentially and all rules have changed. Thank you for reading, you have just wasted 10 minutes of your life. As Dave Shenaut would say, “Forging Your Own Path At Tales is over. Freaking Portland hipsters…)
