Mixologist and bar consultant Eben Freeman followed up his somewhat controversial session on Intellectual Property rights from last years Tales with a second, excellent bite of the apple in 2011. Read all about it at The Pegu Blog.

With me so far? I was talking yesterday with a physics doctoral candidate who was applying the laws of physics to cocktails. It sort of made me lose my grasp on my normal thread of reality. Apologies if I’m rambling/start to ramble.

Here’s a few tips from lessons learned this year at Tales for avoiding the clusterfucks at Tales.

RULE 1: BEWARE OF TEXT MESSAGE IDEAS

In the past a splendid way to congregate with good friends was to network on text messages. Word would come in via digital handheld messaging that people were headed to DBA, or Coop’s, or some other spot some influential person decided to go to and then messaged a few friends of his or hers. This enabled the expert Tales attendee to connect with many dearly beloved drunk friends. Laughter, mayhem, kisses, and hugs would ensue.

This method is now fraught with peril. Some decided to face the peril, only to find that is is far to perilous. The Tales it is a growing, and these days a text message ripple turns quickly to a Tsunami. The destination point becomes a, yes, here comes the word again…clusterfuck.

On Tuesday evening of this week, I was witness to some of this text messaging. Instinctively and somewhat surprisingly, I surmised what was going to happen and did not chase the tail of the Tales message wave. Messages reached me reading, “Fancy Pants party! Fancy Pants party! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Fancy Pant party! Fancy Pants party!”

Or something to that effect.

Just a bit later, as I continued to sip a sazerac at Arnaud’s French 75 Bar made by Chris Hannah, another burst of messages came in, saying something along the lines of, “Fancy Pants party…so crowded. Fancy Pants party…long line. Fancy Pants party…wouldn’t let me in. My pants were not fancy enough.”

Amused, I continued sipping and awaited the next idea for the evening, which would be merely theoretical for myself but a reality for many of my dearly beloved. Shortly thereafter, messages began reading, “Maple Leaf Bar! Maple Leaf Bar! Ooh! Ooh! Maple Leaf Bar! Maple Leaf Bar!”

Or something to that effect.

Just a bit later, as I continued to sip a Creole Cocktail at Arnaud’s French 75 Bar made by Chris Hannah, another burst of messages came in, saying something along the lines of, “Maple Leaf Bar…so crowded. Maple Leaf Bar…long line. Maple Leaf Bar…wouldn’t let me in. My leaves were not mapley enough.”

Amused, I continued sipping and awaited the next idea for the evening, which would be merely theoretical for myself but a reality for many of my dearly beloved. Shortly thereafter, messages began coming in reading, “The Saint! The Saint! Ooh! Ooh! The Saint! The Saint!”

At that point I flushed my phone down the toilet. Moments later I came to my senses and retrieved and revived it via mouth to USB port resuscitation. But I put it on airplane mode and walked over to the Old Absinthe House for a beer.

The point is, there are now too many people at Tales to bother following the pack. If you get word of some place “everyone” is going to, assume 4,000 other people are getting the same word as you, and that spot is going to be a, yes… clusterfuck.

Also remember that the text message you received started with some individual. It wasn’t a cosmic firework of inspired brilliance that shot into the sky, exploded, and tinkled down onto everyone simultaneously. Someone decided to go do something, told someone else, and then we all played a game of telephone. So make your own idea, tell your friends, and go there. The rooms aren’t big enough for us all anymore, dear ones. Be a pioneer. Start your own informal gathering of people somewhere where they will serve you liquor.

RULE 2: GO TO THE TASTING ROOMS THAT ARE LESS BOOZY SOUNDING

Yesterday I was nearly trampled to death by the masses trying to get into the Oxley Gin tasting room. I managed to survive thanks to my physical prowess, sheer cunning, and my media badge. In the meantime, I drank me some gin and ate me some delicious gin sorbet.

Downstairs, Fentiman’s was also hosting a tasting room. There was plenty of space down in that room, time to chat with the people serving drinks, relax and watch some old episodes of The Avengers. Why the discrepancy in attendance? Well, my own personal theory is that it is because Oxley is high proof gin and Fentiman’s is soft drinks.

You would think that given the amazingly high availability of booze at Tales that people wouldn’t be in any hurry to consume mass quantities of it. You don’t have to seek it out, the booze will find you, and it will eat your face. Believe me, I know this. Yet I swear to a benevolent and loving god that people attack the booze dispensary points with a maniacal fervor. We offered some punch made with Maker’s Mark at our book signing yesterday for Left Coast Libations. The recipe yields about 100 ounces of punch, or 50 small cups. The punch was gone in 15 minutes. So Anu Apte whipped up an improvised punch (with top secret ingredient!) that yielded about 200 ounces. That too was gone in moments.

Here’s the secret folks: first of all, Fentiman’s ain’t dummies. They’re mixing their products with gin, bourbon, rum, scotch, etc. They know you want booze and they want you to know they’re products can mix with a variety of boozes. So yes, you can go to the tasting room of the company known mostly for ginger beer and still get your drink on. And you can do it without feeling like you’re at a Who concert in Cincinnati (sorry Cincinnati for bringing up old wounds).

The same phenomenon happened today wherein the 4 Roses Bourbon tasting (high proof) was more crowded than a waiting room outside the pearly gates, and the Marie Brizzard (lower proof) tasting room was merely well attended. In this case, however, the 4 Roses Bourbon tasting might have been so popular due to the presence of Dave Shenaut, who rumor had it was sporting a kneck beard sure to draw in and wow the masses. Naturally, those who attended for this purpose were disappointed, as Dave had shaved the K.B. “Kneck Beards are over,” he told me. Freaking Portland hipsters man. Just can’t even keep up with what’s cool in the world’s coolest city anymore.

RULE 3: NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOTEL ROOM

Actually, never mind. You can’t do that. Get out there, make friends, have fun, and be a hero.

(editor’s note: all rules and lessons mentioned above, upon publication of this article, are hereby ruled dated and irrelevant. Tales has once again grown exponentially and all rules have changed. Thank you for reading, you have just wasted 10 minutes of your life. As Dave Shenaut would say, “Forging Your Own Path At Tales is over. Freaking Portland hipsters…)

I’ll get back the “stealing” issue in a bit. Before you worry about your menu growing legs, you need to be sure that it grows profits.

Menu writers all too often create a menu, then tailor operations to suit that menu. This can have negative consequences in many ways, and is a backwards approach to the issue. Angus asserted that “90% of cocktail menus are designed to fail”, because they are not a serious representation of the product the bar actually needs to sell to be successful.

First, many cocktail menus are simply too large. This can be a problem in several ways. It can require a bar to have to stock too many ingredients, many of them perishable. It can take up too much of a customer’s time, time they could be generating revenue. “Are you a bar or a library?” asked Sean. It can be so long that customers will give up and order most drinks from the first page, or they might just order something else entirely, throwing off your expected sales mix. It can also overtax your POS system and prevent you from properly analyzing sales to see not only what is actually selling, but whether you are maintaining good operational efficiency.
But the biggest problem with an overlarge menu is this: While the top 20% of your staff will happily and easily execute a long list to perfection, the bottom 20% will not. There is no worse thing to happen with a menu than for one of your staff to make anything on it wrong. Wait, yes there is, they could tell the customer that they don’t know how to make it. When I mentioned this on Twitter during the session, I got heavy, immediate feedback from all over the country. Agreement was very strong. If this has ever happened to you as a customer, you should already know how important it is to ensure this never happens on your watch as an owner or manager.
Simply put, you must ensure that you don’t get carried away and make your menu for elites, be they elite customers, or elite staff. Only when you craft your offerings to suit the desires of your customers, and the abilities of your staff, can the menu drive profits for you.

The other point stressed most by Angus (and while some might find it debatable. I don’t), is that too many bars are too in love with their own creations, to the point that that is all their menu consists of.
Too many of your rank and file customers will reject a menu filled only with choices they have never seen or heard of, and will go off menu to order. The more guests order from your menu, the faster your operation, the happier the customers, and the more accomplished your staff will become. Both Angus and Sean contended that you could conceivably have a menu that encompasses the only drinks you offer at all, just as with restaurant food menu. I understand the idea here, but as a customer type, I’d likely be fairly hacked off by this approach.
The old classics are still around for a reason. They are really good. Use them as a touch point for
customers to give cred to any originals you do decide to employ.
“There are maybe fifteen drinks created in the last twenty years in the entire world that will still be around in another twenty,” contended Angus. It is damn near impossible to create a menu filled entirely with originals that will hold up for any length of time. Most bars which want to feature only “signature drinks” don’t understand the real meaning of that phrase. You may view it as your favorite creation, something that identifies you to you. But if you sell only three a night, while you move a sea of your take on an old classic, your customers will see that as your signature. If the world beats a path to your Manhattan, it doesn’t matter that is was invented 140 years ago.

The session was packed with far too much good advice to relay it all here, so I’ll finish with several critical elements that they highlighted.

Language is important. No typos. No grammatical errors. (It’s not a blog post) Hire a professional editor at the very least. Sean and Angus likened the quality of writing on your menu to the cleanliness of your bathrooms. If either is, um, untidy it will turn off many of your customers outright, and leave the rest at least subconsciously doubting you and your product.
Still on the language, Use evocative descriptions. Talk about the flavors in a cocktail, rather than dropping a bunch of ingredients on them that many will not be equipped to evaluate. Just because you know the difference between Angostura and Peychaud’s Bitters, doesn’t mean all your customers do.
Finally, you need to choose a balance in how much you write on a menu. Many menus include meaningless factoids, even at the expense of useful information, while others are so terse that they convey no real information at all. Try to create a conversation in some instances, but never a rambling one.

Take lessons from restaurant menus. Every customer need their own, and needs it virtually as they sit down. Your menu does you no good being presented only on request. And if it is made a part of their greeting, the customer will be far more likely to respect what’s on it as what they should choose from.

Consider offering an array of drinks with a wider range of prices. Many customers who experience sticker shock on first entering a craft bar may feel a lot more adventurous about that 11 dollar cocktail after they’ve first had one of the $6.50 highballs next to it on the menu.
Also, you need to go deeper in your analysis as you set your prices. A simple focus on gross profit of X percent over your cost of ingredients will not properly price a drink. An example would be a drink that is served in a more fragile glass. It is going to cost ruinously more over the long haul than another you put in something more sturdy. And a “cheap to make” Moscow Mule will end up losing you a ton if you forget to factor in the theft rate of all those copper mugs you employ in your revivalist frenzy.

And that brings us back to wanting your menus to be stolen. A great menu is a great business card for a bar. If your customers walk off with it, they will have a reason to talk about you, to remember you, and to come back to try something else on that document. Not all menus are cheap enough for you to employ this strategy, of course. Go ahead and keep good tabs on the leather-bound, brass-accented tome you put out there. Conversely, others are produced too simply or cheaply to really become worth stealing, much less become a keepsake. As a bar owner, all these decisions are yours, but the real takeaway from this seminar is that your menu will drive the profitability of your craft bar… in one direction or the other.

Doug Winship
The Pegu Blog

There were so many numbers flying around that I couldn’t capture them all, but I hope you’ll get a good idea of what a bottle of liquid that costs $1 to make is sold for $30 at retail.

Go enjoy over at Alcademics!

Photo by Paul L via Flickr. cc license.

Going to Tales of The Cocktail for the first time is a pretty daunting task.  Thumbing through the program there are so many seminars, tasting rooms, parties, dinners and events that’s it’s nearly impossible to decide what to do and where to go.

Since the 2011 Tales of The Cocktail will be Drink Spirits‘ first, we asked a number of seasoned professionals for their advice on how to tackle the fest as a first timer.  Here are some of the nuggets of advice we received:

• “Remember, Tales is a marathon not a sprint…enjoy the journey!” – Tony Abou-Ganim (The Modern Mixologist)
• “Number one rule: No matter how much you plan your schedule in advance, your plans will change.  What I’ve learned from Tales is to not overbook yourself and try to attend every event. It is so easy to get caught up in talking to people in the Monteleone lobby or find that you’ve spun around the Carousel Bar one too many times and before you know it you’ve missed an entire seminar you signed up for.” - Stephanie Jerzy (PR and Social Media Marketing professional)
• “Don’t forget to eat food and drink lots water (eating garnishes doesn’t count) a few great places for food right near the Hotel Monteleone : Johnny’s Po-Boys (511 Saint Louis Street) – amazing po-boys, super fast and super cheap;  Coops Place (1109 Decatur St) – great jambalaya and a fantastic staff; Mother’s Restaurant ( 401 Poydras St) – the fried chicken sandwich is not to be missed” - Jenny Adams (Freelance Writer and 8 Year Tales Vet)
• “Use Twitter, Foursquare and Facebook to see where the action is. Each year, Tales of the Cocktail assigns a #tag that you should set up as a real time search in your Twitter application. Following the @totc account is helpful too- they will be giving out hints, making important announcements and keeping you up to date on breaking Tales news. Before the event, it’s helpful to create your own list of friends and followers who will be attending. This way, you can see where your crew is headed without making phone calls and leaving texts which often go unanswered in loud parties. Feel free to @reply me too. I’m always happy to point you in the right direction.” – Lindsey Johnson (Lush Life Productions)
• “I remember my first time, and how caught up I got in all of the free samples, overabundance of liquor everywhere, and long hours of drinking – often in the sun.  My advice is to imbibe intelligently, be sure to drink plenty of water, and don’t forget to take in as much of the wonderful food to be found in the city. Southern cooking is where New Orleans really shines” – Jeffrey Morgenthaler (Clyde Common and JeffreyMorgenthaler.com)
• “Pace Yourself, and remember what happens at Tales stays on Facebook forever” – Jackie Patterson (Lillet and Solerno Ambassador)

Looking over the program a few seminars also really stood out that we plan to attend and cover: H20 cocktails with Tony Abu-Ganim, Andrew Bohrer’s The Chainsaw Shift and Drinking on A Deadline (something we’re all to familiar with) and events we’re told not to miss: Cocktails From Around the World: Diageo Happy Hour,  Imbibe Magazine Happy Hour, and The Plymouth Gin Bartender’s Breakfast.

I’ll be tweeting more tips and advice as I get them onTales of the Cocktail @DrinkSpirits and posting coverage of the event here and on DrinkSpirits.com.

]]> http://talesblog.com/2011/07/14/a-first-timers-guide-to-tales-of-the-cocktail/feed/ 0 http://talesblog.com/2011/06/27/preemptive-strike-bad-boys/ http://talesblog.com/2011/06/27/preemptive-strike-bad-boys/#comments Mon, 27 Jun 2011 18:03:48 +0000 doctorbamboo http://talesblog.com/?p=2281

Rolling along with the pre-Tales “Cavalcade of Booze Knowledge” ™ I got the chance to grill Christine Sismondo on her presentation “The Bad Boys of Saloons.”

If you don’t know Christine, she’s the author of America Walks into a Bar: A Spirited History of Taverns and Saloons, Speakeasies and Grog Shops, as well as Mondo Cocktail: A Shaken and Stirred History. She also contributes drink columns for Report on Business and Eye Weekly magazine. She kindly let me toss a few questions her way regarding her upcoming seminar.

What were the main characteristics that distinguished these types of places from their more upmarket counterparts?

There was an “anything goes” ethic in play. The main idea was to do whatever it took to get patrons in the door and keep them there. Many of the drinking establishments during this period (the 1850’s-1900’s) were what were called “tied houses”, which meant they were affiliated with a particular beer company. Due to the exclusive nature of their relationship with one specific brewer, their profit margins were very low, so there were a lot of frauds and scams happening in order to boost the bottom line.

What were some of the drinks commonly found in these places?

In addition to whatever the house beer was, there were a lot of drinks that were basically un-aged white whiskey with other things added to make them palatable. These could contain a multitude of flavoring agents as well as drugs like camphor, for instance.

Can you describe the types of people who frequented these types of bars?

There was a popular perception that these types of places catered to the worst people engaging in the worst drinking behavior. The impression was that it was just immigrants getting plastered, and that dovetailed with the general demonizing of whatever the most recent wave of “just-off-the boat” people was. The truth is that you were just as likely to encounter questionable behavior and poor drinking habits in the upscale bars. As a matter of fact, you were quite likely to find well-heeled citizens slumming in these places, but that’s a story unto itself.

What prompted the creation of these types of establishments? Was it simply an attempt to offer cheaper booze and undercut the competition?

The thing to keep in mind is that everyone was in the booze business during this time period. Grocery stores, pharmacies, soda fountains, and almost any merchant you can think of sold some type of alcohol. In the 1840’s the average person drank twice as much alcohol as today. It was part of daily living, and was considered good for you. With that kind of consumption, the demand for booze was high, and sales were unregulated as well. The result was a tavern, grog shop, or liquor vendor within easy reach almost anywhere.

Could you find these places in almost any city or town? How widespread were they?

There were times where cities or counties would go dry, but even then there were ways to get booze to the public. It was pretty commonplace, even in places where the law stipulated there was to be no liquor sold.

Due to their illicit nature, were these places able to weather prohibition any better than the higher-profile reputable joints?

These places were generally fly-by-night joints, so they were used to being under constant threat of shutdown. Since they were accustomed to closing and reopening at a moment’s notice , prohibition really didn’t impact them…although everyone was forced to get creative during that time.

“The Bad Boys of Saloons” happens from 3:00 pm to 4:30 pm July 21 in the Queen Anne Ballroom at the Hotel Monteleone. Go here to purchase tickets.

There are two seminars this year at Tales about setting up an ice program. I’m pretty sure this one will be the only one with chainsaws though. The other, How to Build a Cutting Edge Ice Program, is part of the professionals series, though both seem geared toward professionals.

I was treated to a preview of sorts of this seminar in San Francisco, as Andrew Bohrer came down and gave bartenders a demo of cutting a huge block of ice into workable blocks at Heaven’s Dog. I took several videos and hosted them on my site, Alcademics.com.

To see some preview videos for this seminar, check out this post on Alcademics.com.

The Details:

Time: 10 AM to 11:30 AM
Date: Friday the 22nd of July, 2011
Venue: La Nouvelle Orleans Ballroom, Hotel Monteleone
Moderators: Andrew Bohrer
Panelists: Anu Apte

The Chainsaw Shift is about offering to you a shift in thinking about the buzz phrase, “ice program.” The Chainsaw Shift is the lowest waste, highest quality way to have an, “ice program,” as well as being the simplest way to do so. This seminar is a shift in thinking on how bartenders treat their most essential and common ingredient: ice. Quality ice allows the bartender to reevaluate and reimagine every step of the drink making process and brings new joy and beauty to the simplest cocktails.

This seminar will cover the basics of safely and efficiently processing 300 lb. blocks of crystal clear ice with the aid of carpenter’s tools and a trusty chainsaw. We will also discuss and demonstrate techniques for cutting ice to improve aesthetics and quality of every cocktail. Examples will include in-glass ice sculptures, crushed ice, shaved ice, cracked & cubed ice for mixing and carving spheres, diamonds and other shapes. The Chainsaw Shift will never replace the ice machine; rather it will make every bartender into an ice machine.

New Orleans, LA – June 1, 2011 — Nominees have been chosen by a group of esteemed members of the cocktail industry for the prestigious Spirited Awards™.  The Ceremony will be held in New Orleans on Saturday, July 23, 2011 at the Mahalia Jackson Theater, as part of the international festival, Tales of the Cocktail® have been chosen.

This year, the judging committees left it was time to add three new categories, Best High Volume Cocktail Bar to be awarded to the top bar that consistently delivers top quality cocktails at bars with 100 seats or more. This award celebrates those bars that deliver cocktail culture to the masses efficiently. Cocktails, lists, bartending, and service are all considered, as well as, Best Restaurant Bar to be awarded to the top restaurant bar that is dedicated to creating a great cocktail experience for their dining guests. Considerations will go to the approach they have to Aperitif and Digestive drinks, how well they work with the kitchen to pair cocktails with food, as well as general bartending and mixing excellence. And finally, the award for Best Cocktail Writing has been divided into two subcategories, Non-Book Publication and Author.   The Non-Book category celebrates publications as a whole for their excellence in overall writing. The Author category awards individual writers for their contributions to furthering information, knowledge and interest in cocktail culture.

Through its annual Spirited Awards™, Tales of the Cocktail® provides recognition to those individuals and establishments that have shown an outstanding talent for advancing the craft of the cocktail. To embody the ideals with which Tales of the Cocktail® was originally founded, these awards will recognize both national and international honorees who will receive exclusive Riedel Crystal awards.

Pernod Ricard USA is proud to be the sponsor of this year’s 5th Annual Spirited Awards™ for the company’s fourth year in a row- recognizing industry leaders and innovators. For the past 8 years, Tales of the Cocktail® has brought together an incredible group of suppliers, bartenders, writers and the most authoritative experts in the industry- all acting as partners in the celebration and appreciation of cocktail culture. In presenting the Spirited Awards™ and as the industry leader in bartender education, Pernod Ricard USA applauds each participant and nominee. Also, as part of the evening’s celebration, Beverage Media Group, Inc. will recognize 10 Up & Coming Mixologists, selected from participants of the Tales of the Cocktail Apprentice Program.

Awards to be announced at the Tales of the Cocktail Spirited Awards™ on Saturday, July 23, 2011 in New Orleans at the Mahalia Jackson Theater.  Tickets can now be purchased online at www.TalesoftheCocktail.com.

Please see below for a complete list of nominee according to category.

American Bartender of the Year
Eric Alperin, Los Angeles, California
Kenta Goto, New York City, New York
Misty Kalkofen, Boston, Massachusetts
Sam Ross, New York City, New York
Joaquin Simo, New York City, New York

Best American Brand Ambassador
Colin Asare-Appiah, U’luvka Vodka
Jacques Bezuidenhout, Partida Tequila
Jamie Gordon, Absolut Vodka
Jim Ryan, Hendrick’s Gin

Best American Cocktail Bar
Clover Club, New York City, New York
Drink, Boston, Massachusetts
Employees Only, New York City, New York
The Varnish, Los Angeles, California

Best Bar Mentor
Wayne Collins, London, England
Steve Olson, New York City, New York
Audrey Saunders, New York City, New York
Dushan Zaric, New York City, New York

Best High Volume Cocktail Bar
Eastern Standard, Boston, Massachusetts
Flatiron Lounge, New York City, New York
Florida Room, Miami, Florida
Rickhouse, San Francisco, California

Best Cocktail Writing – Non Book
BarlifeUK.com
Imbibe USA
Liquor.com
Tasting Panel Magazine

Best Cocktail Writing – Author
Toby Cecchini, New York City, New York
Camper English, San Francisco, Francisco
Darcy O’Neil, London, Ontario
Naren Young, New York City, New York

Best International Brand Ambassador
Ian Burrell
Claire Smith, Belvedere Vodka
Dan Warner, Beefeater Gin
Angus Winchester, Tanqueray Gin

Best New Cocktail/Bartending Book
Fix the Pumps by Darcy O’Neill
Left Coast Libations by Ted Munat & Michael Lazar*
Punch by David Wondrich
Speakeasy by Dushan Zaric and Jay Kosmas

Best New Product
Bank’s Rum
Cocchi Americano**
Smith & Cross Rum
Tequila Calle 23

Best Restaurant Bar
The Drawing Room, Chicago, Illinois
Eleven Madison Park, New York City, New York
Hawksmoor Seven Dials, London, England
Hix, London, England

International Bartender of the Year
Erik Lorincz, London, England
Dre Masso, London, England
Sam Ross, New York City, New York
Dushan Zaric, New York City, New York

World’s Best Cocktail Bar
69 Colebrooke Row, London, England
Dry Martini, Barcelona, Spain
Employees Only, New York City, New York
High Five, Tokyo, Japan

World’s Best Cocktail Menu
Artesian at The Langham, London, England
Eau de Vie, Sydney, Australia
Mayahuel, New York City, New York
Sanctuaria, St. Louis, Missouri

World’s Best Drinks Selection
Artesian at The Langham, London, England
Cure, New Orleans, Louisiana
Eau de Vie, Sydney, Australia
Employees Only, New York City, New York

World’s Best Hotel Bar
Artesian at The Langham, London, England
Clive’s Classic Lounge at Chateau Victoria Hotel, Victoria, British Columbia
Clyde Common at The Ace Hotel, Portland, Oregon
The Savoy, London, England

World’s Best New Cocktail Bar
1534, New York City, New York
Dram, New York City, New York
Eau de Vie, Sydney, Australia
Painkiller, New York City, New York

*Left Coast Libations is the hard back version
**Cocchi Americano is new to the US Market