On Friday, July 10th from 2:30-4:30, Robert Hess will be holding court at the Queen Anne Ballroom of the Hotel Monteleone.  The following is what you should know:

*  The Seven Seas, in medieval times, referred to these set of seas:  The Black Sea, The Caspian Sea, The Red Sea, The Mediterranean Sea, The Adriatic Sea, The Arabian Sea and the Persian Gulf.  I’m not sure which cocktails sprung from these waters, and you probably don’t either.  If anyone does, it’d be Robert Hess.  That’s reason enough to go.

*  Medieval times was a long time ago.  Like, really long.  Perhaps the seminar hews more closely to colonial times, in which case we’d be referring to The Banda Sea, The Java Sea, The Celebes Sea, The Flores Sea, The South China Sea, The Sulu Sea and The Timor Sea.  Or maybe not.  You should probably come find out.

*  ”Some of the world’s most enduring mixed drinks had their origins at sea: invented by naval seamen, pirates, explorers, and adventurers. This session will explore the love affair those who went to sea had with rum, cachaça, and gin, and the births of the mojito, punch, gimlet, and pink gin.”  That’s the descriptive lifted straight from the Tales site.  Presumably, these seamen, pirates, explorers and adventures did not have Kold Draft equipment or utilize double straining techniques, or even proper glassware.  We’re all kind of snotty about our cocktails here, but I’m banking we’re all going to be thoroughly impressed by this seminar, regardless.

* Robert Hess has a lot of friends on Facebook

*  A bartending friend of mine once had a guest challenge her on whether she knew how to make a Pink Gin.  And when she said something to the effect of, “Well…. yeah” he was absolutely giddy and beside himself.  We’ve come a long way in promoting our little cocktail world, haven’t we?

*  Robert Hess has done a lot to promote this little world we’re all intrigued by.  He is the founder of the Chanticleer Society, DrinkBoy, The Cocktail Spirit on the Small Screen Network and a founding member of The Museum of the American Cocktail.  He’s also written a great book, The Essential Bartender’s Guide: How to Make Truly Great Cocktails.  Go buy it if you don’t already own it.  Now.  Seriously.  I’ll wait….

*  Robert Hess has his own Wikipedia page, and you don’t.

*  By way of disclaimer, it should be pointed out Robert is a founding member of the Washington State Bartender’s Guild, of which I am the Vice President.  We’ve spent a fair amount of Sundays together in the past year, and I count him as a friend of mine.  Whether that sentiment is shared, who knows….I know I’d be smart enough to distance myself, and Robert is an extremely intelligent fellow.

*  Both the cocktail world and the technology world consider Robert to be an evangelist.  So, odds are, Robert is going to convert you to something!  Maybe it’ll be Pink Gin….

Cocktails Born From the Seven Seas takes place Friday, July 10,  in the Queen Anne Ballroom at the Hotel Monteleone. Tickets may be purchased here.

Impressions from Tales V.1

As I busily prepare for my upcoming wedding and continue to tend bar every night, I thought I’d try and squeeze in a few quick hits from my notebook and the boozy memories left in my noggin. . .

“I am an alcoholic with a bartending problem”, Angus Winchester, from the Rum, Ron, Rhum panel. I have to say of all the panels, this one was the most lively. Wayne Curtis expounded on rum’s history, Chesterfield Browne got me fired up for Mt. Gay, Ben Jones talked about rhum agricole in a scratchy voice, and Mr. Winchester brought the house down with the sheer force of his infectious personality. I only wish I had written down more of his one-liners.

Okay, let’s get this out of the way: Charlotte Voisey is drop-dead beautiful. Get past it. The woman made several of the most memorable cocktails of the week. I attended her Spirited Dinner at August (food and drink porn from Anita Crotty) and several of the cocktails knocked my socks off. Her panels were great, too. Oh, and her Punch and Judy won official cocktail status of the 2008 TOTC. The woman is smart and talented.

Tony Gabou Anim, in addition to being a master of his craft, is absolutely a dynamic speaker.

I usually don’t get star struck. My father was a musician, so I got to meet several stars when I was young. However, I found I couldn’t get the courage to introduce myself to Dale DeGroff, Ted Haigh or Gary Regan. I did however, get to talk to David Wondrich and, one of the highlights for me, Beachbum Berry.

The Munat Brothers are everywhere. Fear them.

The bloggers are everywhere. You don’t need to fear the bloggers so much. But feel free to make fun of them. Everybody else seems to.

The bartenders suites, both of them, were good fun, if a little crowded. The Fabulous Shaker Boys were doing some good stuff, particularly with the genever gin Old-Fashioned. One of the more surreal moments was when Jamie Boudreau got all frat boy on me during his spin behind the bar. I didn’t know he had that in him.

Oh, and Jamie, quit referring to yourself as lazy. . . . you got nothing on me.

The Carousel bar is kinda cool. For about a minute. Then, that spinning thing gets annoying.

The Swag-Off was cool because it was impromptu, and the bartenders that night were exactly the guys I wanted to hang out with. And did. The unfortunate thing is that, since the samples are so small, only a few get to try the drinks, so I’m not sure how this could be a larger event.

Jean Laffite’s Absinthe House. Somehow, this joint became the unofficial after-hours jam. I might have embarrassed myself here. Thinking of it now has my liver doing the Wilhelm Scream.

That’s it for Volume 1. Stay tuned for Volume 2.

What makes a great bar great? Now there’s an open invitation for passionate opinions and open-ended debate!

A bar’s greatness depends on so many factors, most of them subjective. You might say, correctly, that the greatness of a bar rests with elements such as location, ambience, low noise level and a well-dressed crowd. I might say, correctly, that a bar achieves greatness when I have loads of spirits, beers or wine to choose from, and a creative and skilled bartender teaching me a cocktail I’ve never heard of. Others might say, correctly, that a rowdy atmosphere, cheap draft beer, shot specials and a loud sound system are the sole criteria.

Come the weekend, or even the weekday, any number of bars in your own neighborhood could qualify amongst the greatest. Maybe it’s that spot with the large patio overlooking the water and pitch-perfect sangrias. Or how about that Irish pub where regulars sing along with the band. There’s always the neighborhood spot where everybody knows your name and the bartender has your drink ready by the time you pull up your barstool. The cocktail lounge that make their own bitters and have memorized every cocktail in the Savoy. Beer halls with every imported beer you care to name and glassware to match, or micro-breweries with the best fish-and-chips in town. What about that new place with the rope-line and hundreds of flavored vodkas? Or the pool hall with cheap draft beer? How about that wine-bar with the stunning collection of glass pours? The sports bar that ties the price of it’s beer to the batting average of Richie Sexson and has a bank of flat-screens to watch any game being played at that moment. And God bless that dank and dark joint that’s been open since The Depression, and smells like it too.

And yet, there are universally beloved bars, places that elevate above easy stereotypes, places which transcend time and circumstance to become categorically recommended. And, yes, there are qualities, certain ’somethings’, most of them share.

On Thursday, July 17 at the Hotel Monteleone, Simon Difford will distill these qualities and outline his picks as the world’s greatest bars and what makes them great, a presentation few others in the world are as well qualified for. As a working bartender who has silly dreams of someday opening his own joint, I have more than a curious interest in what Mr. Difford believes quantifies a universally beloved bar.

Esquire has a great list of the best bars in the country on their site, and David Wondrich lends his well-regarded take on what makes his perfect bar. I’ll pitch in my two cents, even though you didn’t ask. . .

• A massive selection of liquor. But you probably guessed I’d say that
• A relaxed atmosphere. A bar really ought to be a place to figuratively kick off your shoes and enjoy a drink. A bar that thinks too much of itself quickly loses that charm
• I agree with Wondrich about crap on the walls. Personality and quirkiness go a long way
• Ambience. Whichever ambience it chooses, whether it be candlelit and quiet or boisterous and loud, do it well and do it with detail
• Music. Whether it’s the jukebox, satellite radio or the bartender’s iPod, play music I like (hey, it’s my list)
• Spectacular – not just good – cocktails. You knew I’d say that, too
• Amazing bartenders. They know their product, know their craft and either make you laugh or know when to stay out of your private conversations. Bartenders make great bars. As an example, that’s Jamie Boudreau at Vessel in the picture

“Great Bars of the World and What Makes Them Great” takes place Thursday, July 17, at 2:30 pm at the Hotel Monteleone; click here for tickets.