Later in its life, the Appletini continued to strive for respectability by supplanting its Sour Apple Pucker base with Calvados, Apfelkorn, and other various ingredients drawing less scorn form people with even slightly discerning taste. These efforts proved unfruitful when everyone collectively realized there were innumerable better drinks to try and that putting it on the menu merely attracted the sort of people you’d really rather stayed in the sorts of places where a Jaegermeister shot dispenser was a desired, and well used, fixture.

Surviving the Appletini are its brothers, Mangotini, Nectarini, Flirtini, Crantini and countless cousins ascribing to themselves [color]tini monikers. Fortune Brands is on record as stating that since the death of the twice-named “Hot Brand of the Year” it will now seek to inject Wild Island Blue Pucker in its seat of popularity. This is generally derided and scorned.

The memorial services were held at 12:00 am, Sunday, July 20th with a funeral procession from 100 Canal Street to the front of Cafe Giovanni at 117 Rue Decatur in New Orleans. There was brilliant and uplifting music played in a classic jazz funeral style and a well-attended processional of the casket with Robert Hess in the vanguard. The event was sponsored by Plymouth Gin, Contemporary Cocktails, and Tales of the Cocktail. After the processional attendees were invited to enjoy drinks and scantily clad ladies in Cafe Giovanni where a “Bartender’s Breakfast” was held. Unfortunately, the talented ladies likely couldn’t be seen due to the number of celebrants trying to get a real, true, non-floor polish-infused, drink from the veteran and highly regarded bartenders. There was also dancing in the street; it was very Martha and the Vandellas.

Memorials may be made by going to your local liquor or package store and buying something without ‘Pucker’ listed on the label and without any Red No. 5, Yellow No. 7, or Blue No. 2 added and mixing yourself a fine drink. You can also read more about this event at Off the Presses.

Gabriel Szaszko is a mixological obsessive in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He publishes Cocktailnerd and writes for Oklahoma Magazine.

Joana and I will one day open a restaurant/bar; it’s a foregone conclusion. As soon as all the people who have drinks at my home bar and exclaim, “You should really do something with this! Like, open your own bar!”, start ponying-up the cash as investors, the freeloading punks, then it will be a reality. Seriously though, when asked by the Tulsa World to list 5 places to get a drink I was hard pressed and came up with 4 + “My House”. So it’s with this in mind that Joana registered for two of the “Professional Series” sessions at this years’ TotC and attended the ‘Great Bars of the World’ session yesterday held by Simon Difford. (Please note, I take pictures, I like pictures, pictures are a friend of mine, and this blog, sir, won’t allow me to post pictures–my apologies…I blame Rick)

The panelists were Julie Reiner, Tony Abou-Ganim, Eben Clemm, and Willy Shine and each brought a slightly different backstory and approach to developing cocktail menus at both restaurants and bars. And, thank the green fairy, they actually agreed on the main points when designing a menu:

• Consciously use a variety of spirits and avoid the ‘all vodka’ menu,
• Use a culinary approach to the menu taking into account the taste of the audience as well as what comes out the kitchen door,
• Get the staff involved in cocktail development to increase advocacy and excitement,
• Keep your limitations in mind, whether they be space, layout, or talent,
• Don’t write your menu in a vacuum; look to your kitchen, your staff, and to your local ingredients for inspiration and guidance, and
• Tie the bar menu and cocktails to a larger value

On this last point Tony Abou-Ganim was especially colorful when discussing how he will seek out a bar, not only for a particular drink, but for a particular bartender’s version and style of a drink. And, in working with the Bellagio in Vegas, creating that association with a customer means more money in the casino and more food brought out of the kitchen.

In full disclosure, I was at the blogger’s reception (again, stupiddumb photos unavailable) during this session and my lovely wife Joana attended it solo.But, she brought back many good points about line-of-sight: make sure it can’t be seen from street and make your patron (in the US, especially) turn to the right of the entryway; nobody wants to see, or enter, an empty bar; the bar’s width (don’t knock your bartender’s back out by making the bar too wide); and make sure your bar isn’t too long to avoid the bartender getting stuck at one end and potentially ignoring customers at the other. This last point is arguable, but the principle is sound; ensure that the bartender’s ability to move and service the full bar is ensured.

This session was led by Simon Difford who was surprisingly snappy and vibrant after a long night out (and I can confirm just how late it was). Simon, of course, is one of the world’s premier travelers of bars and in a phrase, he knew his shit.Apparently, the best bar in the world is one Cookie’s in Melbourne, Australia and, except for the chairs, ranks high in all the areas Difford considers critical; Intangibles, Wine, Spirits, Beer, Atmosphere, Service, Food (if applicable), and the Cocktail Menu.

In the thought experiment of ‘the ultimate bar’, Simon made the wonderful analogy of, “It’d be like a whorehouse; ‘yes, I’ll take that bartender there for the evening!’” Which, like Tony’s point, means that the bartender matters, not just his technical skills.

Another colorful bit of the session was, in discussing display, signage, and clarity in communicating with patrons said, “There’s a trend in London, not sure if it’s going on here [to make bathroom signs] with weird logos and schwas that are hard enough to interpret when sober, much less when I’m slightly drunk. Sign your doors plainly.”

And, again on restrooms, “It seems wrong that I’m paying a guy to watch me have a piss. This ‘guardian of the towels’ bathroom attendant thing in bars is madness.” I tend to agree, plus I have a shy bladder.

There was a lot more, including the need to avoid having guests with “a sore ass at chucking out time” and it was very engaging and informative. What happened to Simon’s “Special Guest” is a mystery but Simon was careful to distance himself from the events of the night before. Wisely so, I imagine.

I have a problem in my bar at home. The worst part? I didn’t know I had a problem. And, I need to fix it right away so I can improve my fidelity in the art of making fine and faithful drinks, and make good by my guests and cocktailians everywhere.

This is my experience with every book on cocktails I read, every smallscreennetwork or Great Cocktails episode I view, and every new spirit to which I’m exposed. What, me? Neurotic? You jest at your peril gentle reader…And now, I can add talking to Robert Hess about the Bartending Techniques 101 & Barware session at TotC to that list. Robert’s website drinkboy.com was a primary resource for me in my initial interest in quality drinking and is a site I still return to for comparing drink recipes and getting basic background on vintage cocktails. In other words, I was a bit star struck at the opportunity to chat with him via email in preparation for this post. I was inartful where he was cogent and clunky where he was charm. He was very gracious and generous with his time. I did, however, forget to ask him where he has his shirts monogrammed or what the next development in .NET architecture and cross-platform compatibility will be. I apologize for both oversights. Here is my amateur, if faithful, attempt at interviewing the esteemed ‘Drinkboy’. My ad hoc comments are in parentheses:

Drinkboy (DB): The focus of this session will be on providing an overview of a variety of bar tools, their history, and their proper use by both home and professional bartenders. David Wondrich and myself have a keen interest in the historical aspects of cocktails and bartending, we plan on using history as the foundation for this presentation. We plan on showing a variety of historical barware, and discuss the evolution as well as the usage of these items as they have changed over the years. We will of course provide some details on the proper techniques for using various tools.

CN: What are the most common mistakes of technique and preparation you feel most at-home drink mixers make and how do you feel they’ll be approached in this session?

DB: There are of course a wide variety of ways both home and professional bartenders either use their tools improperly, use the wrong tool, or just don’t know the right tool to use in some cases. From the improper use of a muddler, shaking a drink that should be stirred, and understanding the value of a good juicer.

Personally, my biggest pet peeve when seeing people (professional or amateur) make drinks, is to shake a drink that should be stirred instead. The vast majority of drinks these days tend to be shaken, so much so that many bars don’t even have a bar spoon that they could use to stir a drink if they wanted to. Drinks such as a Manhattan should always be stirred, otherwise you end up with both a cloudy drink, and an ugly foam “scum” on the top of it. In a dive bar I don’t have a problem with it, but in a fine cocktail lounge it just sends the wrong message to pay so little attention to the “presentation” of the drinks they send out to customers.

Another pet peeve is seeing bartenders improperly using a muddler to “ice-muddle” lemon/lime slices in a mixing glass in order to get juice out of them. Besides being an improper use of a muddler, it is also fairly ineffective and takes far more energy than simply dry-muddling the citrus slices, or using a proper juicer. (I’ve never even understood how ice muddling was supposed to be effective anyways)

CN: What do you feel are the most important considerations in selecting barware and what do you feel is missing from most bars and home bars that really reduce the bartender’s ability to prepare quality drinks? (where I find out I’m doing myself, and my fellow imbibers wrong)

DB: One issue is simply selecting/owning the right tools. This involves both having the “right” tool, as well as tools of proper quality. Case in point is the barspoon. As previously mentioned, few bartenders even have barspoons available to them, the same of course can be said for home bartenders. In such cases I often recommend simply finding something that can work as a suitable replacement. I’ve been known to use a chopstick as a barspoon when necessary. (That’s dedication)

The flip side of this, is that here in the US the typical barspoon that is available is a cheap piece of junk. It’s made from metal which is far too soft, has a bowl which is too large, and has a cheap plastic knob on the end which always falls off and reveals a sharp point, which more than one bartender I know has ended up shoving almost clear through their hand. (Damn, now I have to get my ass to eBay…stupid bar spoon)

CN: What’s your shameful “bad habit” in bartending technique or barware usage?

DB: I have no shameful bad habits… (touché)

Ok, maybe just one or two.

One is that I have a habit of being just a little too cavalier with champagne bottles. Besides never having had a cork shoot off on me, I also don’t typically deal with champagne bottles in front of customers, so it hasn’t yet been ingrained into my methodology to always keep the cork tightly covered with a towel/napkin in order to keep it well contained incase of a premature escape. (Why, hello Mr. Heugel, you have something to add here?)

Another is that I don’t keep a necessarily well-organized bar at home. With all of the various tools and such I have, and which I am always switching between, my workspace often looks like a cyclone has gone through it. I usually know exactly where everything I need is at, but this is indeed a bad habit to get into. A proper bar should be neat, tidy, and well organized at all times. (misé en place is a real challenge for me as well)

CN: Does it really make a damned bit of difference if the bottle is held by the neck when pouring besides it looking unprofessional? If so, why? (This is a bit tongue-in-cheek but I’m genuinely curious to have it expanded on)

DB: Where “how you hold the bottle” is going to make a big difference when pouring is when you are either using a “speed pour” on your bottles, or “free pouring” without any sort of flow control device.

The problem here is that I personally recommend that folks always measure their recipes. While I’ll agree that there are “some” bartenders good enough to nail their drinks with just their eyes to measure with, I think it is indeed a rare thing. Getting just 1/4 ounce (or less!) off in your measure of a citrus juice will destroy a cocktail. So I always recommend the use of a jigger AND to regularly taste the drinks you are preparing to make sure they are consistent. (I regularly taste lots of drinks, for the record)

Bartending Techniques 101 and Barware takes place Sunday, July 20, from 11:00-12:30 at the Hotel Monteleone. Tickets may be purchased here.