Now, I don’t know her personally, so there’s not a chance I’m ever going to suggest that Charlotte Voisey is an Ice Queen, except to say that she knows her frozen onions when talking about the history of solid H2O.
She explained how Frederick Tudor bought ice to the tropical places that needed it most and got them hooked – like a crack dealer said one audience member, like a brand ambassador replied Ms Voisey. I’m saying nothing more. Mr Tudor receives a round of applause for bringing ice to all of our lives. We’d all be drinking hot punch without him, I suppose.
Ice King Jon Santer then dazzled all, not to mention sundry, with a live demonstration of dilution variations. It was more dynamic that it sounds, I promise. Things got even more vigorous as the attendees picked up their Lewis bags and muddlers, and went medieval on the ice provided. Apologies to the Canadian Whisky seminar next door for the noise. It was all educational.
Only one person in the audience knew that cobblers come from the style of ice used, which resembles tiny cobble stones. So now none of us have any excuse.
Then we’re into the action. People in the front row may get wet. No, really. Jon takes an item out of his checked luggage, that item being an electric chainsaw. A large block of ice is unveiled, and the Vancouver Chainsaw Ice Massacre begins. Snow flurries jet out into the audience as blocks are carved out in ever decreasing sizes, Jon pausing only to sip on the world’s (or at least, this hotel’s) biggest gin and tonic.