A Newb’s Look at Tales

Posted on July 28, 2009
Filed Under Guest Blogger | 1 Comment

Guest Based in Boulder, CO, Reese Lloyd is an IT Architect by day and hacks cocktails by night on his blog Cocktail Hacker.

What’s Tales of the Cocktail like? What’s it all about? What do you do? Until a week ago I couldn’t tell you the answer to any of those questions. I was, to use the parlance of my time, a newb. So I went, I saw, I learned and I loved every single minute of it. Then, once my brain had returned to semi-normalcy, I started thinking how I’d sum it up for someone who is in the shoes I so recently vacated. My mind filled with a variety of analogies, but there was one that seemed to sum it up best.

Imagine the most amazing cocktail party you’ve ever attended. Good food, great drinks, perfect location, awesome people, overall an amazing party. Okay, now that you have that image in your mind replace that drink you’re holding with an unbelievable cocktail imagined and mixed by a world famous bartender. Got it? Good, stay with me. Replace the food with world famous New Orleans cuisine. All the people at the party? They’ve been replaced by cocktail enthusiasts, bartenders, distillers and characters of all sorts. Oh and a final note. The party is in New Orleans and lasts 5 days. Blown away yet? You will be, just give the awesomeness of Tales time to soak in.

Certainly it’s not a perfect analogy, but that’s not surprising. Tales is an event not easily put in to words. That said I’d like to offer some bits of wisdom that I gained from Tales of the Cocktail 2009.

1) Stop Thinking About Going and Do It – You absolutely won’t regret attending even for an instant but I can guarantee you’ll regret it if you don’t. I debated going in 2008, didn’t and regretted it. A year later there are no regrets, only awesome memories.

“[When I was a kid] you could order bourbon, beer or bourbon and beer. We had three things.” – Tom Bulleit

2) Tales People Are Amazing – Every single person I met from cocktail enthusiasts to cocktail celebrities were fun people and more importantly truly excited about being part of the Tales experience. There is an amazing leveling effect at Tales. It doesn’t matter where anyone comes from, what matters is that you’re there and you’re excited about cocktails.

“Contrary to popular belief alcohol is not supposed to burn your ass!” – Steve Olson

3) You Can Drink For Free, but You Should Buy a Few Anyway – Sure, you can drink all day long and not pay a dime while at Tales. But that misses a key part of the equation. You’re in New Orleans, home of some of the country’s, if not the world’s, great bars and bartenders. Explore, experience and enjoy.

“A good mixologist needs to know what things taste like.” – Paul Pacult

4) Don’t Forget the Food – If you’re signed up for a full day of sessions time for mid-day food is a bit sparse. But don’t worry, there is always breakfast and dinner to fill that void. Again, you’re in New Orleans, home of amazing chefs and their restaurants. From a humble po-boy to an elegant five course meal all the food was fantastic.

“Punch is the drag queen of the cocktail world.” – Dan Warner

5) Plan Well – There is so much to attend at Tales it can be overwhelming to figure out your schedule. Plan ahead for the sessions, tastings and events you really want to attend. That way you’ll have an idea of what your days hold. That’s not to say you can’t change you mind at the last minute, but at least you’ll go in with a plan.

“[John] Myers is pretty much the guy you don’t want to see after you hear the snap of a latex glove.” – Wayne Curtis

6) Drink Water – On the first day I was talking to Meade, a fellow Tales attendee, and he gave me some of the most sage advice I got. Drink water and lots of it. Every tasting room, session and event has bottled water. As you walk in to any of the aforementioned grab a bottle and consume it. You need the fluids. If the constant cocktails and spirits aren’t enough to convince you consider the heat and humidity.

“We’re not drinking…we’re learning!” – Francesco Lafranconi

So there you have it. I learned a ton and as you can well guess from Francesco quote drank quite a lot in doing so. It was an incredible experience, and one that I certainly hope I’ll get to enjoy again.